Rest in Peace, 2019

Well, then.

2019 has been quite a year, in just about every possible way. I've completely let this blog lapse, but I really wanted to do a year-end post because I find them meaningful for me and my family (I've done one every year since 2010, and I intend one day to turn them into a booklet for my kids. Maybe when I have 20 years' worth!)

For us, this year is really best described with the word "intense". It has been a year of high highs and very low lows, in just about every aspect of life except schooling (more on that below). There have been remarkably few weeks that weren't memorable, for either great or terrible reasons. I guess at least we've known we're alive!

As is my usual wont, I think the easiest way to get a flavour for our year is to go through in categories. Even then, there will be stuff I leave out - some of it isn't mine to tell, and other things, honestly, will probably just get lost in the mix. To quote the great Inigo Montoya, "Let me explain ... no, there is too much. Let me sum up."

Living in the world

2019 has been a pretty dreadful year for a lot of people both in Australia and around the world. As I write this, on a cool, clear Melbourne day, half of the eastern seaboard of Australia is on fire, refugees are being demonised and tortured by our government, hate speech and hateful
actions are on a rampant rise, and things feel disastrous in a way that I can't remember feeling before.

The kids and I marched for climate change this year, and we all re-evaluated many things about the way we do life to look at where we can make our small stands, be it in volunteering or helping or protesting or writing or making changes to how we eat, create waste, and live.

As part of that, my eldest has moved to a pescatarian diet, and I am mostly joining her, and our whole family's meat consumption has moved to around 40% what it was in 2018. We might not be able to change the world, but we can change
ourselves, and the decisions we make.

Work, Study, Hobbies and Creativity

This has been a really, really good year for us under this heading. Indeed, I'd put it as 2019's Stand Out Category by far :-) With only one stormcloud (explained further under the Hard and Sad Things heading) and one "wish I could have found more time" caveat, everything else couldn't have been better.

My two teenagers both had a fantastic school year (in years 9 and 10 respectively), thriving both academically and personally. Both continued school debating, and my year 10's team made the finals. My year 9 was kept busy as one of the school's Social Justice Leaders, and was also the Class Captain.

Both participated in multiple other extracurricular activities and clubs through the school. Both also did work experience - the year 10 did an Astrophysics program at the University of Melbourne and loved it, while the year 9 volunteered weekly at the local library for 12 weeks as part of her Duke of Edinburgh award. My year 10 also volunteered for a term doing tutoring and mentoring for kids in need, which she really loved.

Both the teenagers also got to go to Japan for 2.5 weeks on a school immersion tour which included a homestay visit. They had the most amazing time, and we were so glad to be able to send them.

My youngest, who started Grade 5 at a new school this year, had the best year she has ever had at school, and I am so grateful and relieved. Her new school has welcomed her with open arms and she has made lovely friends and is finally able to relax, be herself, and really fly academically. I don't think I had realised what a weight had been on us all (but especially her) with the issues she was facing at her previous school, but it has been a joy to see that lifted.

In terms of work, I have had a very good year in most respects, while my husband, who has remained at his long-term job, has had a fairly steady one. I worked with five clients, on an interesting array of projects, and although there were times of overload and stress, overall, I managed my work and my energy much better than I have done in the past. Three of my five clients from this year have asked me to continue for 2020, and I have two new projects lined up. I do feel like I have really hit my stride with my business now,
and it is a good feeling.

An important thing that happened this year, too, is that I started volunteering at the Asylum Seeker Resource Centre. I donate 6-8 hours a week to my work there and I am finding it extremely rewarding, and it has genuinely helped shift my mindset from one of despairing about the state of the world to feeling like I am playing a part, however tiny, in being the change I want to see. Volunteering is my expression of love (for the world) and hope (for a better one), and I will keep going with it.


In terms of hobbies, my husband has seriously ramped up his photography this year, and is producing genuine works of art now. My second girl's dance and sewing hobbies have gained pace, and she's also heavily into both robotics and chess, including competing in the State Chess Finals in December. My eldest has continued with jujitsu and clarinet, while my youngest has had a bit of a rest from structured activities but has expanded her interests in drawing and gardening.

I participated in January's Month of Poetry as usual, and loved it (also as usual!) I have continued to write poetry throughout the year, but less than I would have liked, and this has been a fallow year in terms of competitions and publication (I haven't submitted anything anywhere). There have been reasons for that, but it is a slight sadness all the same.

Health and Family 

On the whole, our health has been pretty good this year, barring a few colds here and there and a revolting family gastro that slammed us in August.

The dramatic improvement in my youngest's overall health after going gluten free following her Coeliac diagnosis has been very good to see. My Mum's health has been problematic at times, which has been worrying, but seems to be better at the moment; hoping it stays that way.

Mental health has been up and down, but mostly pretty stable, this year. Those of us with anxiety have had highly anxious spells, and those of us who tend towards depression have had very flat spells, but no one has stopped functioning at any point, so overall, I'll call that a win.

One family related thing has been our project to turn our double car brick garage into a study / hobbies room for the kids. Given the lack of bedroom space inside, this seemed like a good idea. We are almost there now - the storage shed built and loaded with all the old garage stuff, the garage doors replaced with walls, the slate floor cleaned and resealed, skylights installed, wiring repaired. Painting is the only thing left to do before we move in!

Holidays, Special Days and Events

This year has been so stuffed full of these that, honestly, dot points are the only way to go!

Mini-breaks: Three mini-breaks contributed to the good parts of this year being extremely good. In January, my husband and I had a night at the Langham and went to the theatre with friends. In July, we went with my parents and my brother and sister in law to Phillip Island for a long weekend in celebration of my Mum's 70th birthday.  And in November, I took my eldest to Adelaide for the Cup Day long weekend, which was extremely fun. (PSA: if you are ever touristing in Adelaide, I highly recommend doing the EcoCaddy pedicab city tour - one of the best tourist experiences I've ever had!)

Holidays: The teenagers went to Japan with school in April (meaning that they got to see cherry blossoms for two years in a row, the lucky ducks), while husband, youngest and myself had 10 days in Far North Queensland while they were away, split between a short stay on Fitzroy Island and a week in Port Douglas. Both were great!

As a family of five, we had 9 days away in September, mostly in the Blue Mountains and finishing with 2 nights in Sydney. That was also great.

Birthdays, Halloween and Christmas: Each kid's birthday was fun, as usual, but the big birthday events of 2019 were my husband's 50th in March and my Mum's 70th in May. It was great to see them both have such a lovely day. We did Halloween as always, and had a lovely Christmas Day at my parents' house.

Hosting exchange student: We hosted our third, and (for now) final, Japanese exchange student in July. It was, as in the past, a wonderful but exhausting almost 3 weeks for us all. We won't continue in 2020, as my eldest begins her VCE journey, but we'd like to do it again later when my youngest is at the right age.

Nerdcons: Once again, the nerd family nerded away, with visits to Supanova Melbourne, OzComicCon Melbourne and Sydney, Animaga, Madman Anime Festival, and both Box Hill and Geelong Japan Festivals.

I took my eldest to the Stargate Atlantis small con as well, which was quite a different (but fun) experience.

I think we need to just accept that this is who we are now!


The Rest: There have been too many to list, but little pops of colour like the Death Cab for Cutie concert (me and a friend); brunches, lunches and dinners with friends; days in the city and the countryside; and yes, even things like movies, books and TV shows (*primarily looking at you, Stranger Things Which We Literally Binged in 8 Straight Hours*) have added significantly to the pleasures of this year.

Hard and Sad Things

This is the heading under which I have to be somewhat vague, as some of the hard things also have ongoing issues associated with them. The hardest and saddest things, though, were the loss of two precious people in my life - our family friend Trish, who was one of my brother's carer's during his lifetime and like an auntie to me, and my dear friend Meralie, whose sudden passing in early December has shaken me so badly.

We have also spent a lot of the year unwillingly embroiled in a legal matter, still not resolved, that caused (and will cause) a lot of angst and stress.

We also had an unpleasant and stressful experience with my eldest's extended Japanese study, which she did via an external organisation (not her school). She, her classmates, and we as a group of parents were treated horribly by the organisation and it was a highly stressful thing to deal with over an extended period of time.

Looking Forward

In most ways, we are seeing 2020 as a home-focused year. We're doing one short family holiday (6 days in Phillip Island in January) and a couple of mini-breaks for selected subsets of us (husband and I are doing 3 nights in Hobart in March for his birthday; I'm taking my middle kid to Sydney for 3 nights in July for a convention) but no long or expensive trips are planned. Instead, we have home renos to do, most notably our two bathrooms, which are years overdue for addressing, as well as some landscaping that needs doing.

Work-wise, I'm actively excited about two of my five projects, and comfortable with the others, which feels very positive as a way to start the new year. Another strong year in terms of earnings will position us well to do our renos and keep making inroads on the mortgage, which feels like a worthwhile thing. 

I'll be continuing to volunteer, write poetry, read books, try new recipes, spend time with those I love, and remember to tell them so. And I hope that, if nothing else, is something that the New Year might hold for us all.

Picture a day: Second month

Here is my second set of Photo a Day collages from Insta! Food features heavily again, as does cat :-)

Month of Poetry: Emulation Challenge

Today's challenge task in my Month of Poetry group was to write a poem in the style of / emulating a poet whose work you admire.

I toyed with doing an Emily Dickinson piece, but her style is so distant from mine that I felt sure I'd muck it up magnificently. And I wanted to do a 19th or 20th century poet rather than a contemporary - not sure why, but I often write better in more structured forms, so maybe that's it.

I ended up instead writing something in the style of one of the greatest of all twentieth century poets, and in my personal opinion, the greatest Irish poet of the modern era - WB Yeats.

I love most of Yeats' poetry, but my poem today is particularly inspired by one of my absolute favourites: When You Are Old.

As well as keeping the structure and metre of Yeats' poem, I have tried for the wistfulness. Yeats' poem is a to a woman he loved who did not love him back; mine is to the children who will, so soon, be grown and gone.

WHEN YOU ARE GROWN AND GONE

In years to come, when you are grown and gone
Walking the earth in sunshine and in snow
Or flying between worlds; I hope you know
there is one here who you can call upon;

When days are dark, as dark they must become
For every noon the sun-slip shadows fall,
And no human life can all griefs forestall
So when it hurts, or when you just feel numb;

The door is open - so too is my heart
To hold you close, who once I held inside
Love is not proud, yet you are all my pride
My joy, my care, together or apart.

Month of Poetry: Day 1

I'm doing Month of Poetry again this year. It has been my January tradition for 5 years now, and every year I love it more. I won't post all or even most of my poems here, as I save some up for possible further work to submit to journals, but I always like to post my New Year's Day poem ... so here it is.

A Madrigal for the New Year

the suburbs swell with drink and thumping bass
the city, distant, flower-lights the sky
a journey round the sun has passed us by.

we hope, of course, the new year brings us grace
that perhaps there will be less tears now to cry.
the heartbeat pulses in the distant bass
farewelling all the old year has put by.

the night alight with fire-wrought golden lace
while, quietly, the swooping bats' wings sigh
and we tell a story that we hope is not a lie:
that this year will be the treble to our bass,
that there are angels waiting in the sky
that life will not end, nor will it pass us by.

Goodbye 2018, welcome 2019

I awoke from a 2-hour nap at 4pm, full of vivid, science-fiction-themed dreams. Partly this was something that just happened, but I won't deny that I strategised a bit to allow it to occur - I'm staying home this New Year's Eve, and I wanted a ballast against feeling besieged if there it lots of party noise in my street that prevents night sleep.

I'm now so rested that I'll certainly be good to see in the New Year regardless of noise, and can be
philosophical if I get no sleep at all, so that makes me feel good.

That slightly pointless little story is, as well as being a thing that happened, a relatively useful analogy for how this year has been for me as an individual, and my family at large.

We haven't magically discovered the capacity to change the world or our circumstances to suit ourselves, and we've had challenges aplenty in all areas of life.

But what we *have* gotten better at, and this is the real growth point of the year, is in finding ways to work with, instead of flailing painfully against, our lives, each other, and ourselves. Part of this has involved understanding ourselves, and each other, more fully.

Regarding the world at large, there is both too much to say and at the same time, nothing I can usefully add to the larger commentaries flooding out everywhere. Suffice it to say that while we live in interesting times globally (in the pejorative sense), we, as a family and a community, remain incredibly lucky and privileged.

Our 2018

As usual, I think the best way to try to summarise the year is in categories, and even then, I won't be including everything, or a lot of detail. In 12 months, with 5 active people, a huge amount happens! Here's a bit of a summary.

Work, Study, Hobbies and Creativity

For my elder two daughters, this has been a fantastic year at school. Completing years 8 and 9 respectively, they both excelled academically, and have also been able to pursue lots of extracurricular activities that they enjoy. 

My 15 year old plays clarinet in a band at school and will next year be doing VCE Japanese early because of her great results, while my 13 year old was in the top 10 academic achievers of her year level, was elected Social Justice Leader for 2019, and continues to be an active part of the school's photography and chess clubs.

Both girls also continued with debating, and both improved a lot this year, which thrilled my crusty old debating heart.

My 9 year old had a much more mixed year at school, for a few reasons, and we have decided in the end to move her to another school for year 5 next year. Academically, she is doing well, but we think the new environment will be a welcome circuit breaker for her. Fingers crossed!

My husband continued in the job he's now marked 15 years with, which is in itself a milestone. My freelance business grew again this year - starting the year with three ongoing clients, I've finished with five that I'll be carrying into 2019, including my Adelaide client. 

I've successfully travelled to Adelaide 8 times for work in 2018, which, combined with the flights undertaken for personal reasons (see Holidays below!) has seen me board a plane without melting down no less than 22 times, which in itself represents a massive personal triumph for me, given how much I dislike and fear air travel.

With five projects to service, I am busy, often a bit too busy, but I've been free to really focus on paying down the mortgage and putting money away against leaner times (because those will come, they always do), and that makes me feel more secure. 

I've relied heavily on my terrific subcontractor this year, and will be again in 2019. And in a great bonus, three out of my five clients sent me expressions of satisfaction with my work that were made at their governing body's final meetings of the year, so that is always very satisfying.

Creatively, it has been a good year, with one major disappointment. I won a poetry prize in May (the Ada Cambridge Commended) and my poems, Saudade and After an Ocular Migraine, were published in an anthology, so that was nice. 

My 15 year old had three poems published in an anthology put together by her online poetry group, which was also great. 

My 13 year old's creativity was largely expressed physically / visually, with her burgeoning interest in cosplay and particularly cosplay dance. She is now in two separate cosplay dance groups, which she is loving.

My 9 year old discovered both writing creatively and music this year, and is keen to do more of both next year. She and I are currently writing a story together, which is great fun.

The only thing I'm disappointed about on this front is that I did not, in the end, manage to get my planned poetry collection published. I just did not have the time or headspace in the end, and wound up being scared off from self-publishing by the horror stories and complications that I heard about from others. I'd like to try again in 2019, but might limit myself to an ebook release.

Health, Family and Activity

The biggest health news of the year for us was my 9 year old's diagnosis in November with Coeliac Disease. We had suspected for some time that this might be the case, but found out for sure then. 

It is not the end of the world, especially with myself and the 13 year old already diagnosed, but it has definitely been a transitional adjustment period.

My 15 year old has stuck with jujitsu all year and is really enjoying it, and will continue it into 2019. Both 9 and 13 year olds did weekly ice skating, but both have decided to not continue with it next year. The 13 year old will substitute dance (with her groups), while the 9 year old is probably going to return to weekly swimming.

We had, on the whole, a healthy year, with the odd cold or tummy bug here and there, but other than the lead-up to 9 year old's Coeliac diagnosis, no really sustained periods of ill health for anyone.

The saddest news of the year was my mother-in-law's death, aged 81, in March, which occurred the day before mine and my husband's 20th wedding anniversary. March was therefore a month of extremely mixed, and intense, emotions.

Holidays, Special Days and Keynote Events

What a year it was under this heading! If I started going into detail about everything, I'd never stop, so let's go dot points.

- We went on holidays as a family twice: to Japan in April, and to Sea Lake in September. Both were, in very different ways, terrific. Japan was honestly one of the best experiences of my life to date.

- We hosted an exchange student from Japan in July, which was marvellous.

- My 15 year old daughter went on a science trip to the USA, including a 5-day visit to NASA Space Camp, with a group of STEM kids in October. To say she loved it would be an epic understatement.

- We did the birthday thing - a party at home for youngest in February, we went with a group to Box Hill JapanFest for the middle kid in May, and the 15 year old got exactly what she wanted by being given the house to herself for an entire day in August to have friends over to hang out.

- My Dad's 70th in November was a blast.

- We did the convention thing in spades this year, mostly for the kids. As usual, we worked at OzComicCon in June, and also attended Japanese Summer Festival (February), JapanFest Box Hill (May), Animaga (August), and Madman Anime (November).

- Mother's Day and Father's Day were celebrated.

- We kind of skipped Easter this year, as we were in Japan, but Halloween and Christmas both got the full treatment.

- We went to some concerts and shows - stand outs were Roger Waters, which husband and I saw as our 20th anniversary thing, and for eldest kid, Evanescence.

Looking forward

The year ahead looks promising, if a little daunting, at this stage. Work and school will remain busy, and integrating my youngest into her new school  will no doubt have its challenges.

 My elder two are off to Japan again in April, this time for 2.5 weeks with a school group, while husband, youngest and myself are off to Far North Queensland for 12 days while they are overseas.

We're also going to Sydney in September for 10-12 days as a driving holiday, which will incorporate Sydney OzComicCon.

I have a 5-year plan now for my business (well, 4.5 from now - it is a plan from July 2018 - June 2023). I am hoping this will be a period of modest growth, or at least no decline.

I have decided that my goal I am setting myself is to be in a position to close down my business in December 2035, when I will be 62 years old.

My husband is 4 years older than me, so in the most ideal of worlds, we'd retire together at that time (he'll be 66). If we are very careful and very strategic, we should be able to do this. Then, I see myself putting more and more effort and energy into both poetry and volunteering. We shall see!

So, as the year draws to a close, I hope that 2019 holds good things for each and every one of my friends, acquaintances, colleagues and neighbours. No doubt it will be a mixed bag, because that is what life is - but let it be a time where light reaches into dark corners too. That is a small hope, but it is what I wish, for me, for you, and for all of us.