My misogyny bowls, and why I love them

A very exciting package turned up for me today from the talented Kim Foale (she of @frogpondsrock fame, for all Twitter people). This was a present to myself for my fast-approaching 40th birthday, something I'd first talked to Kim about months ago and ordered about 6 weeks ago, something I put time and thought into planning.

It is a set of 8 ceramic bowls, made by Kim, as beautiful and individual as you'd expect from her as an artist, but also with a little something from me in them.

Each bowl features a quote from a person in public life that I selected. Six quotes are from men, one is a newspaper headline, and one is from Bette Davis. What every quote has in common is that it demonstrates, and not very subtly, a common theme of sexism.

Here are the bowls:

Quote: "I think it would be folly to expect that women will ever dominate or even approach equal representation in a large number of areas..." Source: Tony Abbott

(The rest of the quote, which had to be omitted for space , reads "simply because their aptitudes, abilities and interests are different for physiological reasons".)

Theme: Biological Differences Mean It's Men FTW, amirite?

Quote: "When a man gives his opinion, he's a man. When a woman gives her opinion, she's a bitch." Source: Bette Davis

Theme: Uppity Women are the WORST.

Quote: "I listen to feminists and all these radical gals - most of them are failures. They've blown it." Source: Jerry Falwell

Theme: Feminism. It's a consolation prize for the bitter ones.

Quote: "We've got real issues to talk about not the latest bimbo eruption." Source: Jon Huntsman

Theme: Women's concerns are trivial. Stop bothering the men with your silly lady business already.

 Quote: "Let's hope that the key conferences aren't when she's menstruating or something..." Source: Gordon Liddy about Sonia Sotomayor

Theme: Those irrational hormonal women. Sigh.

Quote: "Feminism was established to allow unattractive women easier access
to the mainstream." Source: Rush Limbaugh

Theme: Yes, only ugly women who can't get the menz are interested in pesky things like *rights* and *equality*.

Quote: "Another Angry Woman Wins Senate Nomination." Source: Headline in The New
York Times during the campaign of 1992.

Theme: Men are assertive and confident. Women, though? Aggressive. ANGRY.

Quote: "I went to a number of women's groups and said: "Can you help us find folks," and they brought us whole binders full of women." Source: Mitt Romney

Theme: Women are just NOT AS GOOD AT STUFF as the men, alright? Don't yell at me, I tried! 





My husband, who thinks the bowls are physically beautiful, is confused about why I wanted them. He says that the statements make him want to smash them - except not, because they're beautiful, and that makes it all confusing. He's clearly bemused about why I want these visual reminders of how deeply and pervasively sexism is ingrained into the structures of influence and power.

Well, I want them *because* they are risible, foolish statements. I want them *because* they point up the kinds of attitudes that my three daughters will have to contend with when they go out into the world. I don't want to pretend that these ideas and attitudes, and the structural prejudices they give rise to, don't exist just because I am lucky enough to be somewhat insulated from their full effects by being a professional woman married to a feminist man. I don't want to forget, when watching the savage attacks on Julia Gillard, that something very nasty lies beneath a lot of it. I don't want to fool myself into thinking this story is over, or even well begun.

And I want them because the punchline hasn't yet arrived. I'm also getting a large serving bowl to go with these eight, and here's what it's going to say:

Feminism is the radical notion that women are people.  (Cheris Kramarae and Paula Treichler)

And that's the sentiment that I want to serve out to each and every one of the themes expressed in my Bowls Of Sexism. That's the meta message, the answer, the pushback to each and every one of them.

That's what I want for my daughters to see.

A new reading challenge: The Hugos

The nominee list for the Hugo Awards is out, and I'm ready to crack my knuckles and get reading, so I'm going to give it a (limited) go.

The Hugos, which are one of the longest-established of all the speculative fiction awards,  are voted on and awarded by the members of WorldCon (the World Science Fiction Convention). Although they're often US-centric, this is becoming less true as time goes on, which can only be a good thing for the genre more widely. Many of my favourite Golden Age sci fi writers - about whom I may write a panegyric, one day - were Hugo winners, often multiply, and the Awards have a history of supplying terrific reading material.

The full list is here. I, however, am going to limit my reading to the first 4 categories: novel, novella, novelette and short story. The list is:

Best Novel

• 2312, Kim Stanley Robinson (Orbit)
• Blackout, Mira Grant (Orbit)
• Captain Vorpatril’s Alliance, Lois McMaster Bujold (Baen)
• Redshirts: A Novel with Three Codas, John Scalzi (Tor)
• Throne of the Crescent Moon, Saladin Ahmed (DAW)

Best Novella

• After the Fall, Before the Fall, During the Fall, Nancy Kress (Tachyon Publications)
• The Emperor’s Soul, Brandon Sanderson (Tachyon Publications)
• On a Red Station, Drifting, Aliette de Bodard (Immersion Press)
• San Diego 2014: The Last Stand of the California Browncoats, Mira Grant (Orbit)
• “The Stars Do Not Lie”, Jay Lake (Asimov’s, Oct-Nov 2012)

Best Novelette

• “The Boy Who Cast No Shadow”, Thomas Olde Heuvelt (Postscripts: Unfit For Eden, PS Publications)
• “Fade To White”, Catherynne M. Valente ( Clarkesworld, August 2012)
• “The Girl-Thing Who Went Out for Sushi”, Pat Cadigan (Edge of Infinity, Solaris)
• “In Sea-Salt Tears”, Seanan McGuire (Self-published)
• “Rat-Catcher”, Seanan McGuire ( A Fantasy Medley 2, Subterranean)

Best Short Story

• “Immersion”, Aliette de Bodard ( Clarkesworld, June 2012)
• “Mantis Wives”, Kij Johnson (Clarkesworld, August 2012)
• “Mono no Aware”, Ken Liu (The Future is Japanese, VIZ Media LLC)

I am not starting from zero - I've already read (and reviewed on The Shake) the wonderful On a Red Station, Drifting, and I've also read Nancy Kress's After the Fall, Before the Fall, During the Fall, which I found slightly disappointing. I haven't, however, read any of the novel nominees, any of the novelettes, or any of the short stories. So there is a fair bit to get cracking on! Thankfully I have a fair while - the Hugos won't be announced until LoneStarCon (29 Aug - 2 Sept), so that gives me a bit of a window.

The rough plan is to start with the short stories -Worlds Without End has handily located free links for each one, which makes life easier! - and review them as one block late this week. As there are only three stories, I think a side by side review is not only appropriate, it's the best way to approach them.

Then I'm going to hit a couple of the novels - I'll tackle Kim Stanley Robinson's 2312 for review here, and I might cover John Scalzi's Redshirts for The Shake. I read Robinson's Mars trilogy years ago and remember enjoying it but finding it quite demanding as well (he expects you to work for your epiphanies, does Robinson!) As for Scalzi, I've read and vaguely remember enjoying his Old Man's War, but my main familiarity with him is via his hugely popular blog, Whatever. I've heard a good buzz about Redshirts though so we'll see how it stacks up.

I don't have specific timeframes for novel reviews and I may not even review all of them, depending of how exciting I find them (I often don't review things I find simply meh, rather than good, interesting, thought provoking or, on the other side, really awful). However, I'd be aiming to be done with reading the novels by end of July, to allow a month for the novelettes and the rest of the novellas.

So here we go again - shaped reading FTW! Should be fun.

Possum Magic, lunch and play: A one on one day with my baby

Another anti-disclaimer: I did not get theatre tickets for free, I bought them. Was not asked to write review, was offered no incentives to do so, and the Wyndham Cultural Centre doesn't even know I am writing it. It was just fun, so I wanted to write about it. Similarly, I received no incentive or request from Sanctuary Lakes Hotel to write about my meal - I just firmly believe that restaurants that get dietary needs right should be recognised and celebrated!

Today I took my 4 year old, the lovely C, out for a special morning together.

We had tickets to see the musical show of Possum Magic, based (very faithfully, I should note) on Mem Fox's wonderful classic storybook of the same name, at the Wyndham Cultural Centre at 10:30am this morning - a perfect timeslot for us, as we could travel on directly from school drop off and have heaps of time to park close, enjoy a hot drink together, and explore the theatre before kick-off. 

C loves many of Mem Fox's books, although her favourites, before now, have been the beautiful Hunwick's Egg and the sweetest Christmas story in the world, Wombat Divine. But as her excitement has been building over the past week, she's requested Possum Magic every night as one of her bedtime stories. She's pretty much word perfect with it now, which gave me a moment of pause, as I wasn't sure how she would react if the play departed too much from the text. (She's a purist, is C.)

As it turned out, I needn't have worried, as the one-hour performance followed the story with an exactness that C found very satisfactory. The addition of music and the inevitable physical comedy ("Behind you! Behind yoooooooooou!" audience participation FTW!) only added to her enjoyment of the whole thing. She was besotted with the funny kangaroo and the blue wombat, loved the kookas, and thought Hush was "so cute!"

As for me, I really enjoyed the performance, and more, the time with C. I turned my phone off when we arrived at the venue, and really focused on talking with C while we had our hot drinks, listening to her as we explored the theatre, and giving her lots of cuddles as she sat on my knee and squeezed me tight during the show. It was a wonderful experience, and I loved it.

I should add that one of the things that made the whole business so great was the professionalism and consideration of the box office staff at WCC. I had booked these tickets online months ago, when the program first came out, and thought no more of it. On Tuesday, a very nice woman from the theatre rang me to let me know that in the interim, a number of schools had booked, and we were now going to be seated within 6 solid rows of schoolchildren and teachers. She offered to exchange our tickets for ones further forward in a reserved row that was being offered to people with preschoolers only. I gratefully accepted, knowing C would find the noise and presence of a whole sea of unfamiliar schoolkids a bit intimidating. We ended up in a (relatively) quiet, spacious row, with a spare seat on either side, and I am certain this helped us enjoy our time more.

After the show, we decided to go out for a nice lunch.  I've heard great things about the lunch offering at the Sanctuary Lakes Hotel, so we gave it a try.

The meal at the hotel is essentially a luscious buffet, which can be problematic for Coeliacs because of utensil crossover and the like. I asked if there were gluten free options, and I was treated with such respect and consideration - it was wonderful.

The chefs advised that I could eat from the buffet if I wanted, but that they'd feel happier if they could make me something fresh, in their separate gluten free only cooking equipment, so I wouldn't have to worry about contamination. I selected a yummy green chicken curry, and by the time I'd loaded C's plate with rice, roast beef, pumpkin, chips and a bread roll, my steaming fragrant plate, with fresh pappadums, was in front of me. It was completely delicious and it's now almost 2 hours since I've eaten, with no ill effects in sight (I usually know by now!)

C also enjoyed her meal a great deal, especially the chocolate ice cream she got for dessert, and the whole caboodle cost me a staggering $19.95, as kids under 5 eat free at lunchtime during the week. It was great value and we had a lovely time.

Once home, C and I read Possum Magic again, played together outside, and she is now playing with toys while I write this and send a couple of emails. It's been such a beautiful day together and I'm so glad we did it.

On the learning of children (Poem)

I decided to choose a writing prompt this morning to spark a poem, and being a denizen of the Twitterverse, the natural one seemed to be this: Create a poem using the first sentence of the top three tweets in my timeline when I open Twitter. Here is the strange result. The Twitter quotes are the first lines of each stanza.

I spy with my little eye
through a keyhole, you squint and catch the edge of scenes
a domestic outerworld, framed in iron,
cold as old bones in the jaws of winter.
children, running, shouting,
tormenting and delighting each other in savage play
cutting teeth on the flinches and laughter of their peers

Your child is calling someone a disrespectful name.
It's a name you say you've never used, never wanted to hear in your house; and yet
here it is, spilling out of this child
who's old enough to understand how it hurts, and says it anyway.
(Or, perhaps, because).
Since when do we call people fat? you flail, helpless, horrified
caught inevitably in the insult to ego that you could raise a child
who buys, and sells, the line of contempt.
Maybe it's time to let go of that idea that you control anything about this child
(or any child).
Time to realise that empathy, respect and kindness
are modelled and learned, not forcibly taught
and that your child's words are theirs to own, theirs to moderate
not a mirror to your hopelessly optimistic soul.

Complete this sentence.
When your child grows, you want them to be ____
the blank space gestures possibilities, and exclusions,
and you think, as you watch the warmth around her enfold her playmates,
watch her reach out with gentleness as well as acid
that the answer is, has to be,
whatever she is made to be
a whole person, drawn on the stars
carrying her own light and her own darkness before her
as she surmounts the world.

- Kathy, 4/6

A winter arts Saturday in the city

Disclosure: I received complimentary tickets to the MSO Classic Kids: Magic and Monsters performance for review purposes courtesy of the Melbourne Symphony Orchestra. No financial payment was offered nor accepted for this post. All opinions expressed are purely my own. 

After a cold afternoon and night of unremitting heavy rain - winter has arrived! - we awoke this morning to a thin drizzle and the prospect of a day in the city, enjoying some of the winter arts activities that Melbourne has to offer.

First up, we went to the Melbourne Town Hall to see the latest in the Melbourne Symphony Orchestra's Classic Kids series. We have been to these before, seeing the show with Jay Laga'aia last year and the Clowning Around with Melvin Tix show in 2011. We've always really enjoyed them, and the theme of this year's - Magic and Monsters - sounded intriguing.


Once again, the MSO came through with a great show. The comedy and crowd presence of British percussion performers, O Duo, really added to the experience for my kids, especially the 4 year old, who thought the antics of the "Monsterologist" and his assistant were just hilarious. My big girls, who are musicians themselves, were very interested in all the instruments and how they work together to create orchestral sound.

At 45 minutes and with a vast spread of floor seating, these shows are always perfectly pitched to accommodate the short attention spans and wriggliness of the little kids, while still providing plenty of exposition for the older ones.

It is a rare event these days that I can honestly say fully engages my preschooler and my almost-10 year old; they are at such different developmental stages and their interests are very different. One of the things I love every year about the MSO Kids shows is that they really do have something for everyone, and we can enjoy them together.

After coming out of the MSO performance, we wandered down to Federation Square for lunch. Minor peeve - why do so few Fed Square restaurants offer a decent gluten free selection? Chocolate Buddha, with its dedicated gluten free menu, is the main exception, not that I got to sample it, as the kids were not up for sushi et al today.

We came out of the cafe just in time to catch the first 45 minutes of the free opening show of the Melbourne International Jazz Festival, hosted by Tracey Bartram. The kids promptly found some other kids to make friends with (and cadge food from, despite having just finished a meal) and we all settled in to enjoy the performances of swing group Leigh Barker and The New Sheiks with the Swing Patrol Dancers. The music was fantastic, the kids were happy, and we all learnt some basic Charleston steps :-)

Walking back to the car, we wandered through Hosier's Lane, one of Melbourne's main street art locations. The girls were all fascinated by the artwork, even more so as there were artists working on new pictures as we were there. This provoked a discussion with the older two about public art, creation and production, and with the 4 year old about why we couldn't immediately go and buy some spray cans so she could start her own art project :-)

All in all, it was a great arts day in Melbourne for a family of five, for the cost of lunch and parking. Granted, we got the MSO tickets for free, but even so, it just underlines how much arts-based stuff there really is to do in this city with kids in the wintertime.