Sunday, November 8, 2015

Sunday flashbacks (ie Timehop for the non-iPhoners)

On this very day last year (2014)


Three girls poring over worms, November 2013

C is for Cookie - November 2012

Baking toddler - November 2011

Out in the garden - November 2010

Bouncing time - November 2009



This is post 8 in NaBloPoMo. 8 down, 22 to go!

Saturday, November 7, 2015

Hard time coming

When there is a hard time coming, when it is just upon me, the world seems to flatten out, lose colour, seem less real.

My face in the mirror looking strange to me, like the face of someone I didn't ever know.

Things that always bothered me at least a little (loud music, crowds, surprises, interpersonal conflict) start to become unbearable.

Things that never bothered me - things I find enjoyable, even - start to grate against my skin, like new shoes rubbing.

Born in the body, the malaise grows and spreads, ably assisted by the part of my mind and personality that loves catastrophe, and sends dark dreams of end times.

When a hard time is coming, my eyes sting with the effort of keeping them open to the day, while my heart stings with the painfulness of being in the world and of it.

Joints that swell and ache, muscles that weaken and tremble, a gut that clenches and spasms, a heart that flutters like a moth under a glass - these are the cause, and the symptoms, and neither and both. These are the markers I can point to, when I say, to those around me -

I'm so sorry. I don't feel good.

There's a hard time coming.


This is post 7 in NaBloPoMo. 7 down, 23 to go!

Friday, November 6, 2015

After the storm

Melbourne had an intense day of weather yesterday. We even had a tornado-ish (tornadette?) to go with our extreme stormy conditions. Thunderbolts, lightning, lashing winds and rain ... it was like being inside a movie, and not a fun one at that.

My drive from my client site, usually an easy 20-minute run, to the school took over 45 knuckle-whitening minutes; I was slobberingly grateful to arrive unscathed, and to have not witnessed any catastrophes on the road. By the time the school bell went, the worst of the weather had passed over us in the west, and was headed for the city and the eastern suburbs.

After the storm, my 6 year old and I came home to a quiet, drenched yard, steaming gently in the late afternoon sun. She jumped in puddles, while I squeezed fluid from the sodden laundry on the line. The birds began to sing again, and the dog yawned hugely in the return of the warmth of the day.

The aftermath of a storm is always marked with calm and release, both literal and symbolic. So much storm und drang, to arrive, safe, if bruised, on the other side.

It brought to mind  my favourite, if one of the least generally popular, songs from Mumford and Sons' first album. After the Storm isn't as flashy or poppy as a lot of their other songs, but it speaks to me of the quiet that comes after stress and travail, the silence at the heart of the wind, and love struggling through pain to emerge, speaking its name, into the sunlight.

"And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears / And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears"...



This is post 6 in NaBloPoMo. 6 down, 24 to go!

Thursday, November 5, 2015

Day 5 check-in

 It's been raining all night and is still raining, and I've slept badly, troubled by peculiar dreams (one involved adopting a crocodile who then ate all the neighbourhood cats ... my subconscious is a disturbing place sometimes). Unable to sleep, I thought I should make some use of the time before I head off to work - so here I am, checking in re my Month of All the Words.

Today is day 5 of NaNoWriMo, and I'm tracking OK as far as stats go - I'm staying just a whisker in front of the goal word count each day, and I have a little over 7,000 words down that I think are not entirely rubbish.

However, the easiest stretch, both in terms of writing (I like beginnings, less good with middles) and available time, is behind me. I haven't been working from 1-4 November, but I have two full days of work ahead of me now, followed by a busy weekend, a fully booked week with work next week, and then a weekend away. Maintaining the daily writing target is going to be a challenge for me, especially as I'm sleeping poorly and not in the pink of health. Still, no-one ever said NaNo was meant to be easy - that doesn't make it not worth trying.

The novel is evolving into a strange kind of science fiction / mystery thriller / lyrical hybrid - a hot mess of unsaleable genre-smushing, in other words - but I'm satisfied that it is following a true path at the moment, rather than a dead end. I have a clear picture in my mind of what the next two scenes need to do, and a broad idea of where the story goes from there. If I'm going to lose my way, I'd reckon it'll happen around the 20,000 word mark, but I'm hoping the momentum of the exercise will carry me safely over that dreaded slump point.

Writing in verse is liberating for me and I am very happy with my decision to tell this story in a verse novel rather than a "straight" novel. I am more at home as a poet than as a prose writer, and I think it's important to go where the energy is. This story's strangeness can be nicely counterpointed through the allusiveness that verse allows, and I think the vehicle is right.

The story is set about 75-100 years in the future, and I am amusing myself by throwing in occasional present-day cultural references that might resonate (although I'm avoiding doing too much of this). My central premise is a world with massive climate problems, but where the movement of people has become normalised and national borders are much more porous than now, and generally accepted to be so. Communication technology is seamless and advanced, but there are still no flying cars (d'oh!) Gene tech has advanced too, and gene tinkering means that most people who don't die of climate-induced disaster or by human violence can reasonably look for 120 years of life.

Certain mutations have been enhanced with genetic engineering, and there is a body of people - the Mind-to-Mind cabal - who have the ability to perform microsurgery on the minds of others using only their own mental energy and capacity. This isn't quite mind-reading or telepathy - they can't communicate in speech-like thoughts to each other, nor can they strip-mine the thoughts of most others - but it is somewhat like very targeted telekinesis. This skill is obviously very useful in several contexts, from the repair of both brain injury and mental illness to the intervention into the minds of violent threatening individuals to render them harmless.

Of course it isn't simple and it is feared and resisted by many, but that's the general gist of it.

Here's a small sample of the story so far - this is part of a scene where my protagonist, Ket, is being questioned by two law enforcement officers with very different agendas about the opening incident in the story, where she managed to disable a gunman holding up a corner store by getting inside his mind.

-----------------------



I don’t need a second invitation – I slide into her frontal lobe, soft as a kitten’s paw;
if she hadn’t lowered the shield, she’d never know I was there.
(I heal complex psychic wounds for a job. Doing no harm is my bread and butter.)
She’s laid it out neatly, in the mental equivalent of flashing neon; a trainee Minder,
one with half my range and sensitivity, couldn’t miss it.
Major Crimes is opposed to Mind-to-Mind, it says, in bold lettering. Not exactly lettering,
but the analogy is close enough.
The Commander of Major Crimes in the Apac region cabal has a score to settle.
We’re not sure what it is, but he’s looking for a wedge. He’s decided you may be it.
Tread carefully, now. Give them no reason. You are needed, free.
I glance at her sharply.
We in Security Response have need of a Minder with your abilities. I will do what I can.
It is your onus, though, to give them no purchase for their calumny.

I say, Well, Officer Obela, I went into the store around 8:45am or so. I wouldn’t want to say *precisely*, you understand – I had no reason to particularly note the time, and I didn’t do so.
He scribes carefully, his arm tucked under itself crabwise in the manner of thwarted lefties.
For what purpose did you enter the store? says Pham. I recognise the lead and seize it;
if I am to emerge unscathed from this, I will need Pham’s help.
I smile ingratiatingly. I had need of feminine hygiene products, I say brightly, judging
(by the appreciative smile ghosting on Pham’s face, correctly)
that Obela is traditional enough to be discomfited at mention of both my bleeding womb
and that I have one, at all.
Tamponas, you know, I say, twisting the knife. The little micro-tubing, for vaginal use …?
Obela nods quickly, his face flushed.
It feels a little unfair, given the rest of what I saw in his straightforward mind –
a man via transition, he himself knows what it is to bleed, a memory surgery has not erased.
I shrug off the instinct to relieve his uncertainty. I need him off-balance
I need him unsure, if I am to be sure of a free walk from this room.


This is post 5 in NaBloPoMo. 5 down, 25 to go!

Wednesday, November 4, 2015

A sevenling for the flight of the swan children

This is a sevenling born of all the Feels provoked by my two elder daughters going off to school camp today, which has coincided (because: of course!) with a bad patch for me health-wise, including with my anxiety.

A sevenling for the flight of the swan children

Three things they each packed away, in flower-scattered suitcases:
The patterned linen that shields their sleep; violet-scented soap in jars;
The battered soft toys that they still cling to, adrift on the night sea.

Three things I remember, clear as summer glass:
The scent of their infant heads; the tug of rosebud mouths at milk;
The drowsy somnolence of the afternoons when we rested together.

The swans, on the wing, find their place in the arrowhead, and spiral from sight.

This is post 4 in NaBloPoMo. 4 down, 26 to go!