Today I know that I hate it when my kids are sick and suffering.
I know that when a doctor drops the phrase "glandular fever" into the mix when examining your 2 year old, your heart will turn flipflops.
I know that I worry more than I should, and that I probably lose my nerve too quickly, rushing to doctors and hospitals when bedrest is what's actually indicated.
I know, though, that I'd never forgive myself if I under-reacted, and that led to my child getting a lot sicker.
I know that when I woke this morning with a agonising cough and fever of 39.5, and ascertained that I have not one but TWO very sick kids to care for, I regretted hubs taking a Carer's Day yesterday, because, workplaces being what they are, this made it impossible for him to take another today.
I know that I am upset with myself for making questionable decisions all down the line this week, resulting in my kids probably being sicker than they needed to be, and maybe exposing other children to their lurgies.
I know that I need to get better at making the hard calls, even if it makes my children or my occasional employers unhappy sometimes. The fact that the kids wanted to go to school swimming shouldn't have outweighed my feeling that they weren't well enough to; that the fact that the big kids wanted to go to gymnastics training shouldn't have been allowed to gazump the todler's obvious need to be home in the warm; the fact that I was scheduled to work on Wednesday shouldn't have overriden my uncertainty about whether the toddler was well enough for creche.
I know that I feel like crap, and like a crap parent.
I know that my toddler and 8 year old feel awful too, and that's almost harder to bear.
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Having 4 out of 5 kids sick this week, two of them when we were away in Mildura, I can completely relate to this post. Hope everyone recovers soon. xx
ReplyDeleteoh dear I hope everyone gets better soon xx
ReplyDeleteI know you are being way too hard on yourself.
ReplyDeletegentle hugs
Be kind to yourself, as mothers we feel pulled in 100 different directions at once and make the best decisions we can with the best of intentions whilst trying to please everyone xx Hope the girls recover quickly and you have a peaceful weekend.
ReplyDeleteWay too hard on yourself!! Kids will bounce back soon enough! And you too!! I think we need more sunshine to chase away those colds.
ReplyDeleteI know I agree with peskypixies, you are being way too hard on yourself. Sending you some healing fairy wishes and butterfly kisses. Hope all are feeling well soon
ReplyDeleteWhen you feel like crap, it's easier to feel like a crap parent, but looking at what you said here, I don't see a crap parent. I see a parent who wanted their child to go to the swimming carnival if they felt okay enough to go. i see a parent who then took the proper steps to investigate their child's illness. I see a parent who tried to get the right amount of support they needed to support their sick children. Sadly things don't always work out. I hope you all feel better soon!
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