Retreat

My head and body haven't been the lightest and brightest of places over the past two weeks. I don't really want to talk about it, because the details exhaust and bore me, but suffice to say this:

1. Being glutened is not fun;
2. Asthma attacks are definitely not fun;
3. Panic attacks are INCREDIBLY not fun;
4. Claustrophobia is real and it sucks and if you think it's funny to mock people for it, we are no longer friends.

Anyway, now that I'm better from the glutening and my asthma is settling down, I have a bit of bandwidth to address some of the stickier mental health issues, and begin some much-needed self-care.

Self-care, for me, typically involves the preparation of food (which I find soothing), the getting of a massage, and much, much, much time between the covers of books. Both my own books, and lovely hours, like the one I spent today, tucked up in bed with my 4 year old reading a stack of picture books aloud. Books *are* my happy place - they always have been and always will be - and I like going there with the girls as well as by myself.

Self-care also means a renegotiation of boundaries; my psyche is very good at telling me when I am overreaching myself and need to draw in my horns for a while. So we have cancelled swimming lessons for a term, because it was turning into a stress point for us all; I have missed one, and may miss more, Interleaves columns at The Shake; I have resigned from one of my volunteer committees, and asked to be left off the roster for another until after Christmas. I have also started thinking about workload management strategies in my interesting but demanding job, and have committed to not bringing work home more than 2 nights a week.

All of this may not be enough to pull me back from the brink of needing therapy this time (the claustrophobia, in particular, is Doing My Head In Like You Would Not Believe) but it is certainly helping to set me back on my feet and move me to a calmer, happier place in myself.

Sometimes, what it takes is retreat. Those who fight and run away, live to fight another day, right?