Monday, March 31, 2014

Self inflicted: A play in one act

[after school. the scene is a suburban house, in a moderate state of disarray.]

Nearly-9 year old: Mum! Mum! Come quick! I vomited again!

Me. hurrying to scene of action: Oh no honey, that's awful! I thought it was just a once-off since you haven't thrown up again after yesterday afternoon, but maybe it is a virus ... [pause] E. Why is your vomit blue?

Nearly-9: Oh, I dunno. [thinks] Maybe because I was eating, you know ...


Nearly-9: Oh, just some blue salt I found in a jar in my room.


Me: Salt. YOU ATE BLUE SALT. How much did you -

She: Ahhhhh ... three spoons? Or four?

Me: [sigh] E. That is why you threw up. Salt is an emetic. You should never, never eat that much at a time.

Nearly-9: An eme...

Me: ...tic. "Thing to make you vomit."

Nearly-9, by now thoroughly perky again: Oh wow, that's pretty cool!

[skips off to play]

[mother cleans puddle of chuck from bathroom floor]


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